Part 2: Really Universe? Not cool. Not cool at all.

This is a continuation from yesterday's post.

Here is what my mother experienced when she picked up my daughter from daycare that day.

She walked back to J’s room, with no one at the front desk even noticing she was there, and stood at the large window trying to find J.  Typically the front desk will announce to the classroom over the intercom that “so and so’s parents are here” prior to the person doing the pick-up gets back to the room. She finally spotted her in the changing table room getting her diaper changed by her teacher.  J started to reach for her diaper area at which point my mother saw the teacher grab J’s hand, yank it away and throw it back.  She then continued to be rough with finishing to diaper her and dress her, yanking her up from laying down to sitting up.

It was at that point the teacher noticed my mother standing there watching.  The color drained from her face and then she refused to look at my mother in the face.

She then started snarkly telling my mother J needs more diaper bags, milk, and Destin.  “Oh, and she doesn’t have a rash, her mom just wants the cream put on.  That stuff is so hard to get off.”  And then that J had been “snotty” all day as in her nose had been running.  My mother said it was said with such anger and as if all of this was such a huge inconvenience to the teacher.

I immediately left work and drove to the daycare, asked to see the video of the room during that time.  There were things that I saw that just heaped on to the anger of the moment.  The actual changing room is not covered by a camera, but you can see the mannerisms of the teacher when she grabs J from playing to sling her around as she takes her to the changing room.  You can see my mother walk up, notice where J is, and then her body language changes immediately when she sees the teacher being rough with J.

At that moment in watching the tape I informed the Assistant Director that was with me reviewing the video that I was immediately pulling J from that school.  She asked if there was anything she could do to help?  She suggested putting J in another classroom until they finished conducting an investigation.  There were no other classrooms at her age level, so she would either be in a classroom younger or older than her.  Additionally, other teachers would then know that J was not in the classroom she once was and would suspect issues.  I did not want that kind of stigma following her around.

I informed her we would need a refund for the tuition for the rest of the month that we had already paid for and that we would need our deposit back.  I then gathered J’s belongs and left.

As far as my husband and I are concerned, we have zero tolerance for any abuse to our child.  I believe my mother to be telling us accurately what she saw.  She spent a week picking up J from school having very good conversations with her teacher.  She never suspected she would see what she saw when she went to pick up J.

Later that evening the assistant director called and left a message.  She said, and I quote:

“Mrs. Witt, I know you are angry right now.  As a mother of two myself, I would be too.  Ms. (name omitted for anonymity) is a mother of two, as well.  She does not feel she did anything wrong and is very upset by this whole thing.  I have talked to her and the Director of the school about this.”

She continues to tell me that the owner will call me the next day, they will do an investigation, and she understands that we feel we must make the decision that we feel is best for J.

Digest that for a minute.

Then, I received word that all the teachers were informed that evening that if they so much as talked about J they would get fired.

Digest that some, too.

Last Tuesday, as my mother was playing with J, J was constantly taking a diaper off one of her babies and asking my mother to put the diaper back on.  My mom finally told J to put the diaper on the baby by herself.

J proceeded to lay her baby down on top of the diaper and then grabbed the baby’s arms and violently shook it as she said “Shut up, baby!  Shut up!”  Then she repeated it again.

This is one of those words that just isn’t used in our house.  There’s never really an opportunity to use it.  Our dogs rarely bark, and if they do, we tell them “enough” or “hush” or “stop barking”.  I would never tell my husband “shut up”.  It’s just something not in my vocabulary.  I have told him “fuck you” (not in front of her, though) so it’s not like I’m some goody two-shoes.  I’ve let a few other words slip in front of her and she’s repeated a few of those, but “shut up”?  Not one of them.

Where else would she have gotten it from?  She’s 20 months old.  She’s a little mimic.  And why was it associated with diaper changes?  The times during the day the teacher is NOT on camera.

I’m angry.  I’m sad.  I’m confused how this could happen and how I didn’t catch it sooner.  Yes, we all have bad days.  Yes, as a mom I have been rough with my daughter during particularly frustrating moments.  But that behavior will NEVER be acceptable from a care provider.  Especially when she wasn’t squirming, wasn’t trying to get away, wasn’t in danger, wasn’t being hysterical.  There’s never an excuse.

Thank goodness my parents were in.  They were able to watch J on Tuesday and that morning I registered her in the school we were planning to switch her to in August.  She attended Thursday and Friday and started full time on Monday.

I had made the call the week before that I was going to take vacation time for Thursday and Friday, which was a blessing because it meant I could be there for her first days at her new school.

The difference in my child after just 3 days at that school are shocking.  She is less clingy in the evenings.  She doesn't say "no, no" and shake her finger at her baby dolls, the dogs, or us nearly as often as she did before.  There are still things we are working on, many of those things are due to the vast amount of change she's experienced in the last week.  She is her father's daughter in that she is not one who is keen on change, to say the least.  But we're getting there, and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, yeah, craptastic 2 weeks, to say the least.  These things happen in 3’s, right?

Tomorrow, I try looking at the brighter side of things and provide a little advice to my daughter for dealing with the world.