It's not always pretty, but it gets the job done.

It's not always pretty, but it gets the job done.

Need to tame a fly hair? Mom spit. Crumbs stuck to face from recent snack? Mom spit. Fix a squeaky door hinge or glue a toy piece back on with it. It's powerful stuff, that mom spit. It can even show how much you care.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Being your child's voice doesn't always feel good

*singing* Funny blog, funny blog…where have you gone?

Well, I don’t know, but it’s not coming back today. I’m in a pissy mood.


You are so kind to ask!

I’ve had the drama of all drama’s lately with my daughter’s daycare of all places.

Where to start? First, I want to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter’s daycare. The Husband and I have always felt so blessed and lucky to have found this place, found them when we needed them with an opening for our daughter, and found them so close to our home. It’s literally 2 blocks from our house.

Every single member of the staff knows my daughter’s name and knows me and The Husband. The philosophies of the school fit right in line with how we want to raise our child. I could go on extoling the excellence of our daycare, but that will have to be another post. Because I’m pissed. And relieved. And a lot of other weird emotions right now.

The first time my daughter came home with a report that she had been bitten, we were like “okay, kids bite. She’s not damaged emotionally from this. No biggie.” The second time it happened was a month and a half later and we weren’t too concerned. The 4th report in one week had us worried.

The classroom got a new teacher, because word of the awesomeness of the infant program of this school had spread and they needed more teachers to keep up with the demand.

Oh dear, this is going to be a long post. I think I’m going to have to shorten it to some lists to get through this in a reasonable amount of words, and thus, your time.

Monday, we went to the owner of the school and his Director to voice our concerns.

This is what we covered:
1. Biting – we knew who the child was and did not believe the problem was with the child. We know the parents and they are very good parents that we love dearly. The child was only biting when in the presences of this particular teacher.

2. Rash – our daughter was getting a rash during the week day that would clear up on the weekend or whenever the teacher was not at school for the majority of the day. She told us once that she changed diapers all at the same time. Instead of when the babies needed it.

3. She seemed to have issues with multitasking (see point above as first proof). Although we pay significantly in our tuition for art supplies, we had not gotten but one art work in close to 3 months (ever since J had moved into her room). She claimed she was just not creative and also thought that hand print and foot print art work was overdone.

4. I had observed an incident that morning in which she didn’t respond appropriately. She was too focused on the specific task she was trying to finish at the time to give the children the attention they needed for that situation.

5. It was very clear that she was overwhelmed by more than 2 children at a time. Teachers in that classroom are expected to handle 4 at one time. They are trained for this. I couldn’t do it, but that’s why I pay A LOT of money for extremely skilled people to watch my child while I work to pay for it.

6. We no longer feel like we can trust this teacher to care for our daughter. It was obvious that she had little experience working with this age group (under 18 months) and we are no longer willing to pay for someone to be trained on our daughter.

7. At least 2 of the other 3 parents of the kids in the room were not happy with her care of their children.

8. J was beginning to be affected at home. A behavior that was not typical for her was emerging. Now, I get that children go through stages and are constantly changing, but mommies, I know you can back me up on this. You know when your child is doing something out of character and when it’s “just a stage”.

A lot of little drama things happened between then and Wednesday. But, I’ll skip that so I don’t sound completely off my rocker.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning, after many phone calls to other moms of kiddos in the room, other teachers, other parents, my parents, the President, and I think I even had a phone conversation with Britney Spears who, surprisingly enough, agreed with our stance on the matter, I awkwardly bring my daughter into her classroom.

If even Britney Spears will agree that the situation was not a good one, then you know it’s not.

The teacher’s not there. Instead, there’s one of J’s previous teachers – which we love, btw. I mean, seriously love this woman. She rocks. Hard. I ask about the absence of the other teacher and she tells me she’s not allowed to talk about it.

Okay, long story short…she got fired the evening before.

So why am I pissed? Well, as I was leaving I inquired to the director where the teacher was and her response, verbatim:

“Mr. Owner (names changed to protect the somewhat innocent) talked to your husband yesterday afternoon that he would meet with him today to discuss ‘The Plan’. So, Mr. Owner will talk to your husband this afternoon about it.”

The end. Seriously. That’s all she said.

What.The.Fuck. I mean that is just not even…

I’m livid. Why the hell could she not tell me? Are we stuck in the 1960’s or something? It’s not like I’m J’s Mother or anything, right? How could I possibly be trusted to make any decisions about her care or need to know about what’s going on with her care?

So, I’m steaming mad, blood is literally boiling by this statement. And then, I’m even more pissed because I feel like it’s interfering with me feeling relieved that a bad situation was resolved.

But then, I see a post the teacher who was let go makes on Facebook. It was heart breaking.

I was heartbroken.

My body is shaking now from all the emotions.

I feel anger. At the school for letting it get so bad. At the teacher for not being more attentive. At myself for letting it go on so long. We really tried to be understanding. She was a new teacher in a new situation. We figured she’d get better with time. It just got worse.

I feel sad. A woman lost her job. A job she really did love. And now she’s grieving over that loss and the loss of the companionship she had with those babies in her class.

I do feel guilty. I tell myself I shouldn’t. Other peeps tell me I shouldn’t (including Britney and the President. We’re tight like that, yo). But I still do. If I hadn’t said anything she would probably still be there.

But then, if she wasn’t doing anything the school thought they couldn’t correct, then she’d still be there. It was the schools decision and I know they don’t make those decisions lightly. They also informed The Husband Wednesday afternoon that there were other items outside of what we discussed with them that came up in their investigation that led to the decision they made.

I feel relieved that the school was willing to take action and such quick action.

I feel powerful. I feel like I united with The Husband and other mommies to accomplish a goal – make our children’s classroom a better place – and we accomplished that goal.

I feel validated.

I feel worried about the transition my daughter will have to go through in the coming weeks. It’s with teachers she already knows so that will hopefully make it easier.

And, I feel more and more like an adult. I was the adult for my child I had to speak up for my daughter because she couldn’t. Even if she could, there were probably things that she would not have been able to see or understand about the situation she was in. I am starting to understand that this is part of what it means to be an adult, a thing I have long struggled with. This feels good to make progress toward that understanding.

I feel grateful for the support of The Husband and my friends, the other mommies in the classroom, and the other teachers in the school.

I feel like my voice can be heard.

I feel proud that I made my voice not one made in anger or powered by emotion, thus allowing me to present my concerns in a rational and logical manner.

I’ve learned that even though you stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves, even though you do the right thing, you might not always feel 100% good about it in the end. You do what you have to do. It’s not always pretty…kind of like Mom Spit.

Have you ever had a situation that you know the right thing was done but you still felt bad about the outcome? Have you ever had to be the adult for your child and get good or bad results from it?

In other news! Today is my daughter's first birthday! Holy Crap! I have a one year old! It's cliche because it's true, but this year has flown by so freaking fast! And Saturday...birthday party...for 50+ peeps! What was I thinking? More to come later!


  1. Happy Birthday to her!!! We are having Jack's party on Saturday too. I'm totally freaking out.

    You did the right thing. She was responsible for the care of babies. If she didn't do her job, there's the door. I'm sorry but when human safety is involved, you have to be on your "A" game. Zero tolerance.

    Love the tie in with "mom spit."

    Your totally awesome. Go make yourself a drinky.

  2. Proud of you!! And, I hope that the biting ceases..Our babies are in good hands now. I hope you feel some relief now after its all said and done. You did the right thing and I'm proud of ya! Thanks for stickin up for all the babies!! Mine included, even if she was the biter. :)
    xoxo! Happy Birthday lil' J!!! So cute! Love that picture! I can't believe you got the Presidents attention though b/c I'm still waiting on my Christmas card from last year!

  3. You did the right thing! Even if you feel sad over the lady who lost her job, it obviously wasn't the right fit for her. You have to look at for your kids over other people's feelings. I'm proud of you for being able to take charge and make it happen!

    And happy 1st birthday to J!!! Wow! 50 guests?? That's some kind of party! :o)

  4. It's ALWAYS the right thing to stand up for your daughter. You have to do what you think is best for her no matter what. I don't know the whole story but the kids should always come first.

    (I don't know why I'm not and can't log in..grrrr)


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